ARE YOU READY FOR SOME MYSTERY?

We miss football. If you’re a real red-blooded American, you do, too. Fortunately, it won’t be long before we can once again settle in our favorite chair with our favorite adult beverage and our favorite sandwich and watch our favorite advertisers! Occasionally, our favorite teams will perform unbelievable feats of athleticism. That’s the best part.

Anyway, unless we want to follow the mundanity of preseason nonsense, we have to wait a little longer for pro football to formally commence. To temper the seemingly eternal downtime, we’re offering this PRO FOOTBALL MYSTERY BAG. You pick your team, pay us some money, and we’ll send you a MINIMUM OF SIX TEAM THINGS.

Here’s the catch: You’re not gonna know what the things are. It could be anything - a trivet, a stapler, a cello. You’ve got to be okay with the mystery element of said mystery bag. You might be disappointed with the contents. You might not need another officially-licensed Panthers cello. That’s the risk you take with the mystery bag.

What’ll probably happen, though, is this: You’ll get a box of officially-licensed stuff branded with the logo of your team. You’ll probably be pretty happy with it. You’ll wear the apparel if you get any, and you’ll decorate your workspace with all the tchotchkes. And then your team will lose to the Seahawks anyway.

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