Look, if you want illumination, then you really shouldn't be in a cave in the first place.

Welcome to Bats to Nature underground cavern tours. As we begin our descent into the cave, make sure you all stick close together. Now, you may be noticing that it’s getting rather dark. In fact, it looks like we’ve gotten to the point where there’s no light at all. But don’t worry, everybody, that’s normal. We’ll be experiencing this ancient chasm in the same way that it's experienced by bats; in complete darkness.

Right now we’re in a massive tunnel. Above us are beautiful stalactites that would take your breath away if you could see them. But we’re of course going to be exploring this this cave without any lighting, so you’ll just have to take my word for-

Sir? Sir, is that a flashlight you’ve turned on? Please give it to me. Give it- give it to me. Thank you. As we covered during the orientation, flashlights are not allowed during the tour. Bats to Nature cave tours are not about fancy USB-rechargeable flashlights and unnatural illumination. Now please come with me as we descend deeper into the cave. Just follow the sound of my voice.

What? No, there are no hand railings. But bats don’t need hand railings, so why should you? You know, I don’t think you guys are fully appreciating the mission of Bats to Nature cave tours. We’re not going to desecrate the sanctity of these bats' cave by bolting on hand railings. Just feel out in front of you and try not to fall, and you should be-

Oh, it sounds like we lost someone. Do not follow the sound of his voice, or you’ll- is that another flashlight I see? Honestly, I really don’t think I could have made myself any more clear about the flashlights! I don’t care if it’s unsafe without them, caves are unsafe! Now if you will all please turn off your flashlights and pay attention, I promise that most of you should get out of here safely.

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