Socks are just napkins that you can wear.

Ah, the sock. It is, perhaps, fashion’s most underrated garment. People will mock you for having sauce splattered all over your shirt and they’ll positively deride you for having liquid spilled all over your pants, but no one will say anything about a rogue stain on your sock. No one will even notice it!

Eating barbecue? Just slip your hands under the table and wipe your sticky fingers clean on your left foot. Got a spill to wipe up? Your socks are already down there on the floor! Just do a quick shuffle across the affected area and it’s like nothing ever happened.

The best part is that they’re totally environmentally friendly! Just toss your socks in the wash and they’re ready for more Cheeto dust, more melted ice cream, more renegade ranch sauce, and anything else that you can dribble on them or wipe across them!

And just remember: the only thing preventing socks from also being wearable tissues is your own flexibility. Think about that the next time you find yourself bracing for a big wet sneeze with nary a tissue in sight.

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