I don't think this is what the coach meant when he said he wanted a "refrigerator".

I really appreciate all the effort you put into getting this mini fridge and making sure that it was decked out with the team logo and colors, but when the coach said that what the team really needed was a refrigerator, I don't think he was talking about an actual refrigerator.

I'm pretty sure he was referring to the famously-large defensive lineman William Perry. No, not the guy from friends. William Perry.

You know, he played in the NFL for ten years? He won Super Bowl XX with the Chicago Bears? His nickname was the Refrigerator because he was so big? Is any of this ringing a bell?

Well, no, so we can't actually get William Perry. He's definitely retired by now. I'm pretty sure he's been retired for like...20 years or something. Just someone like William Perry. Somebody big. Who can play defense.

No, don't call your cousin Charley. I know he's gained some weight recently and I know he loves to argue about things, but that's not really what I mean either.

You know what? On second thought, I think the mini fridge will actually be fine. I'll take it to the coach now. Why don't you take the rest of the day off?

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