These are shorts. For Youths. Do not make any jokes.

So today we have a Brine/Estero Youth Athletic Shorts 5-Pack. That's five pairs of shorts. There won't be any joke about them. There will be no witty story involving, for example, a man embarrassed to find he accidentally ordered youth-sized shorts and is forced to wear them. We will not spin a yarn about someone hastily explaining away to a surprised date why they have a five-pack of youth shorts in their car (spoiler: the person is a youth soccer coach). Nor will we try to make some insensitive joke about university athletics.

For you see, we have recently taken a 15-minute PowerPoint presentation at the Airport Holiday Inn and learned that there is no such thing as a "brand" or a "voice" or "the right customer." All individuals everywhere on the planet at any one time are potential customers, and as such you must cater to them all, watering down your message as much as possible so as to include everyone who has ever or will ever possibly glance at a computer screen. This, we are told, is good marketing.

We apologize in advance for the offensiveness of the colors of these shorts. We are still focus-group-testing the optimal pleasing tone for human eyes. We believe it to be beige, but one person in Ottumwa, IA disagrees.

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