Adjust your weights, adjust your life.

Looking good isn’t about accepting yourself as-is; your body is a garbage dump, and no one will love you until you have hard, chiseled biceps. Accessorize all you want, but everyone will know you for the fraud that you are. That’s why you need this dumbbell. Adjustable by ten pound increments, you’ll go from puny to Clooney without having to buy an entire weight set.

10 Pounds - Ooh, that burns! You feel that? Pain is just unattractiveness leaving the body.

20 Pounds - Your work’s starting to pay off. At this point you’ll notice that people will have started respecting you more, and you’re getting sideways glances from members of both the same and opposite sexes. Keep lifting.

30 Pounds - Your reputation, like your muscles, continues to grow. Your newfound confidence catches the eye of your boss, who gives you that big promotion you deserve.

40 Pounds - You got your boss fired and took his job. Nothing can stop you now.

50 Pounds - You’ve finally made it. What a day this has been. You can stop now, as there’s no need to ever lift over fifty pounds.

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