Coach, we need to talk. I'm quitting the team.

I know I'm leading the league in home runs, and steals, and walks, and triples, and doubles, and singles, and, well, just about everything, but now that I've got these Fila Game On Basketball Shoes, it's time I begin my inevitable career as the world's best basketball player.

Now, before you say anything, I know I've never played a day of basketball in my life, but that doesn't matter because, you see, when it comes to basketball, all you need is the right shoes, and these, coach, these are the right shoes.

They've got mesh lining, a padded collar and tongue, a reinforced heel, and a rubber outsole with a pivot point. With all of these features, how can't I win? Really, I'd be doing a disservice to the basketball team by not playing.

So, like I said, I feel like I need to do the right thing and play basketball instead. It would be a shame for me to be wasting my time playing baseball, even if we are on our way to a state championship. It was a pleasure being on your team, and if you ever want to say hi, just look for me on the basketball rink.

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