JayMatt19


quality posts: 10 Private Messages JayMatt19
mick52 wrote:yeah.... but sadly it never works...

the person below me eats 1 pound of spinach everyday to get big muscles...



but unfortunately all it does is make my smile look weird in pictures (due to the spinach stuck in my teeth)

The person below me believes the following conversation happened between the City of Cleveland and the Devil:
CLEVELAND: We want a championship. DEVIL: ok, but you'll have to host the Republican Convention.
CLE: ...Fine.
DEVIL: Donald Trump is their nominee
CLE: Make it 2 championships and you have yourself a deal

moles1138


quality posts: 46 Private Messages moles1138
JayMatt19 wrote:but unfortunately all it does is make my smile look weird in pictures (due to the spinach stuck in my teeth)

The person below me believes the following conversation happened between the City of Cleveland and the Devil:
CLEVELAND: We want a championship. DEVIL: ok, but you'll have to host the Republican Convention.
CLE: ...Fine.
DEVIL: Donald Trump is their nominee
CLE: Make it 2 championships and you have yourself a deal



DAMN STRAIGHT! GO TRIBE!

The person below me hates billy goats.

JayMatt19


quality posts: 10 Private Messages JayMatt19
moles1138 wrote:DAMN STRAIGHT! GO TRIBE!

The person below me hates billy goats.



sure boy do hate em. one of the few animals that taste nothing like chicken.

the person below me thinks that Hawaii should never have become a state

JDSardone


quality posts: 21 Private Messages JDSardone
JayMatt19 wrote:sure boy do hate em. one of the few animals that taste nothing like chicken.

the person below me thinks that Hawaii should never have become a state



They shouldn't have... I just got back from there and... well... They are so... Disconnected

The Person below me collects leaves from every artificial tree they come across.

moles1138


quality posts: 46 Private Messages moles1138
JDSardone wrote:They shouldn't have... I just got back from there and... well... They are so... Disconnected

The Person below me collects leaves from every artificial tree they come across.



No.1 The Larch. The Larch.

The person below me carries a Red Herring for no reason.

daveinwarshington


quality posts: 87 Private Messages daveinwarshington
moles1138 wrote:
The person below me carries a Red Herring for no reason.



Yes. It wasn't red when I started carrying it 7 years ago, but at least it finally stopped stinking. Just me & my herring... sigh...

The person below me is trying to get their local Mexican restaurant to build a wall around their house.


JDSardone


quality posts: 21 Private Messages JDSardone
daveinwarshington wrote:Yes. It wasn't red when I started carrying it 7 years ago, but at least it finally stopped stinking. Just me & my herring... sigh...

The person below me is trying to get their local Mexican restaurant to build a wall around their house.



Actually they built it to keep me out...


The person below me just spent $8k for 2016 world series and is still hoping the Minnesota Twins can still pull it off!

dmwilson220


quality posts: 3 Private Messages dmwilson220
JDSardone wrote:The person below me just spent $8k for 2016 world series and is still hoping the Minnesota Twins can still pull it off!



If I just believe it, there's nothing to it. It's only November after all, we got plenty of time.

The person below me just won a pair of flip flops, gently used, by bigfoot.

Tinker000


quality posts: 1 Private Messages Tinker000

The person below me just won a pair of flip flops, gently used, by bigfoot.[/quote]

EEEW SWEATY AND HAIRY!! (look at the fungus)

The person below me just received a phone call from Elvis..

mick52


quality posts: 16 Private Messages mick52
Tinker000 wrote:The person below me just won a pair of flip flops, gently used, by bigfoot.



EEEW SWEATY AND HAIRY!! (look at the fungus)

The person below me just received a phone call from Elvis..[/quote]

cause i can talk to dead folks... he just kept making derogatory comments about Priscilla's botched face stuff....


the person below me can't drive a stick shift.....


JayMatt19


quality posts: 10 Private Messages JayMatt19
mick52 wrote:cause i can talk to dead folks... he just kept making derogatory comments about Priscilla's botched face stuff....


the person below me can't drive a stick shift.....



My teacher was just horrible. When I asked when to shift, he would just keep repeating "Shift Happens"

The person below me is hoping on making millions by selling DVDs of all the presidential commercials of 2016

dmwilson220


quality posts: 3 Private Messages dmwilson220
JayMatt19 wrote:The person below me is hoping on making millions by selling DVDs of all the presidential commercials of 2016



I have a deal in place with the A.D.(Advertisement Defication) Network. They're an informercial channel, sure they're only carried by 1 provider on channel 548 from 2:16am-3:47am, but just you wait and see how many copies of "2016: The Nightmariring" we sell. After all, DVD is the new vinyl.

The person below me is figuring out how to cover up their Cleveland Indians 2016 WS Champs tattoo.

moles1138


quality posts: 46 Private Messages moles1138
dmwilson220 wrote:I have a deal in place with the A.D.(Advertisement Defication) Network. They're an informercial channel, sure they're only carried by 1 provider on channel 548 from 2:16am-3:47am, but just you wait and see how many copies of "2016: The Nightmariring" we sell. After all, DVD is the new vinyl.

The person below me is figuring out how to cover up their Cleveland Indians 2016 WS Champs tattoo.



It's sure isn't easy to change a 6 to a 7. But I don't regret it being my first tat. Hell of a ride this season.

The person below me doesn't have fingers so the have to type with their toes.

bonmaytilley


quality posts: 5 Private Messages bonmaytilley
moles1138 wrote:It's sure isn't easy to change a 6 to a 7. But I don't regret it being my first tat. Hell of a ride this season.

The person below me doesn't have fingers so the have to type with their toes.



That@d tyue anf ir majes ir hatf tp Spelk.

The person below me wears bunny slippers to the grocery store.

moles1138


quality posts: 46 Private Messages moles1138
bonmaytilley wrote:That@d tyue anf ir majes ir hatf tp Spelk.

The person below me wears bunny slippers to the grocery store.



And I always end up with a cart full of carrots.

The person below me can't keep there hands out of their pants.

olcubmaster


quality posts: 33 Private Messages olcubmaster
moles1138 wrote:And I always end up with a cart full of carrots.

The person below me can't keep there hands out of their pants.



Well, they are there hands so there's where they belong.

The person below me had a much wittier answer but instead will now tell a knock-knock joke involving a barber.

Sugar 'em up and send 'em home

JDSardone


quality posts: 21 Private Messages JDSardone
olcubmaster wrote:Well, they are there hands so there's where they belong.

The person below me had a much wittier answer but instead will now tell a knock-knock joke involving a barber.



Barber: Knock knock
Guy in Chair: Who's there?
Barber: Oopsija
Guy in Chair: Oopsija who?
Barber: Oopsija Stagaveyouamullet

The person below me is going to explain that joke to everyone even though they already get it.


daveinwarshington


quality posts: 87 Private Messages daveinwarshington
JDSardone wrote:Barber: Knock knock
Guy in Chair: Who's there?
Barber: Oopsija
Guy in Chair: Oopsija who?
Barber: Oopsija Stagaveyouamullet

The person below me is going to explain that joke to everyone even though they already get it.



The barber, having just had a fight with his girlfriend, had just consumed a fifth of Jack Daniels and was going to go home. He was closing the barber shop when a guy rushed up to the barber's front door.
The barber, not wanting to lose business, knocked on his front door for some odd reason.
The man then asked "Who's there"? as he wanted to be sure that this was a barber shop.
The barber, who's name was clearly printed on the front door "Oopsija's Barber shop", said "Oopsija" and opened the door.
The man, assured that this was the owner of the shop, rushed in and sat down in a barber chair. Wondering the barber's last name, he asked him "Oopsija who"?
Being in a drunken stupor, Oopsija ignored him, not even asking what kind of haircut he wanted. He was dreaming about landscaping his front yard, possibly even pruning the hedges short on top and leaving them longer at the bottom.
He snapped out of it and remembered that he was giving a haircut. Oh, no! He had cut the mans hair short on the top & very long below!
The man asked if he was almost done.
All poor Oopsija could mumble before passing out was...
"Oopsija Stagaveyouamullet".

The man looked at Oopsija, passed out on the floor, then peeked in a mirror. He thought to himself... How did that barber know I wanted a mullet haircut? This was the best haircut he ever had received. He tipped Oopsija a $50 & walked out the door.

The person below never reads long boring stories about drunken barbers.


JDSardone


quality posts: 21 Private Messages JDSardone
daveinwarshington wrote:The barber, having just had a fight with his girlfriend, had just consumed a fifth of Jack Daniels and was going to go home. He was closing the barber shop when a guy rushed up to the barber's front door.
The barber, not wanting to lose business, knocked on his front door for some odd reason.
The man then asked "Who's there"? as he wanted to be sure that this was a barber shop.
The barber, who's name was clearly printed on the front door "Oopsija's Barber shop", said "Oopsija" and opened the door.
The man, assured that this was the owner of the shop, rushed in and sat down in a barber chair. Wondering the barber's last name, he asked him "Oopsija who"?
Being in a drunken stupor, Oopsija ignored him, not even asking what kind of haircut he wanted. He was dreaming about landscaping his front yard, possibly even pruning the hedges short on top and leaving them longer at the bottom.
He snapped out of it and remembered that he was giving a haircut. Oh, no! He had cut the mans hair short on the top & very long below!
The man asked if he was almost done.
All poor Oopsija could mumble before passing out was...
"Oopsija Stagaveyouamullet".

The man looked at Oopsija, passed out on the floor, then peeked in a mirror. He thought to himself... How did that barber know I wanted a mullet haircut? This was the best haircut he ever had received. He tipped Oopsija a $50 & walked out the door.

The person below never reads long boring stories about drunken barbers.



TL:DR

The person below me is about to share his favorite Thanksgiving recipe: Lion Mane Soup


mick52


quality posts: 16 Private Messages mick52
daveinwarshington wrote:The barber, having just had a fight with his girlfriend, had just consumed a fifth of Jack Daniels and was going to go home. He was closing the barber shop when a guy rushed up to the barber's front door.
The barber, not wanting to lose business, knocked on his front door for some odd reason.
The man then asked "Who's there"? as he wanted to be sure that this was a barber shop.
The barber, who's name was clearly printed on the front door "Oopsija's Barber shop", said "Oopsija" and opened the door.
The man, assured that this was the owner of the shop, rushed in and sat down in a barber chair. Wondering the barber's last name, he asked him "Oopsija who"?
Being in a drunken stupor, Oopsija ignored him, not even asking what kind of haircut he wanted. He was dreaming about landscaping his front yard, possibly even pruning the hedges short on top and leaving them longer at the bottom.
He snapped out of it and remembered that he was giving a haircut. Oh, no! He had cut the mans hair short on the top & very long below!
The man asked if he was almost done.
All poor Oopsija could mumble before passing out was...
"Oopsija Stagaveyouamullet".

The man looked at Oopsija, passed out on the floor, then peeked in a mirror. He thought to himself... How did that barber know I wanted a mullet haircut? This was the best haircut he ever had received. He tipped Oopsija a $50 & walked out the door.

The person below never reads long boring stories about drunken barbers.



i love this drunken barber tale!!!! i replied to it many days ago!! but it's not here?? i might have been too drunk to send the post.....


mick52


quality posts: 16 Private Messages mick52
JDSardone wrote:TL:DR

The person below me is about to share his favorite Thanksgiving recipe: Lion Mane Soup



i have to eat Lyin Main Soup everyday from folks, i got a belly full! don't know the recipe.......

the person below me... has talked with the wisest person on the earth and is going to tell us all that they have learned.....


hot72chev


quality posts: 25 Private Messages hot72chev
mick52 wrote:i have to eat Lyin Main Soup everyday from folks, i got a belly full! don't know the recipe.......

the person below me... has talked with the wisest person on the earth and is going to tell us all that they have learned.....



I have just learned that spending two days glued to my computer does not get me a Bunker of Catalogs from Woot. Failure and disappointment abound.

The person below me has finished their Christmas shopping and we all hate them.

x9
It seemed like a good idea at the time.

JayMatt19


quality posts: 10 Private Messages JayMatt19
hot72chev wrote:I have just learned that spending two days glued to my computer does not get me a Bunker of Catalogs from Woot. Failure and disappointment abound.

The person below me has finished their Christmas shopping and we all hate them.



I bought a few things online while sitting here in my undies. But, be honest, you hate me for other reasons as well.

The person below me gives snowboarding lessons in their Hawaii home

Moueska


quality posts: 54 Private Messages Moueska
JayMatt19 wrote:I bought a few things online while sitting here in my undies. But, be honest, you hate me for other reasons as well.

The person below me gives snowboarding lessons in their Hawaii home

(/adds to my bucket list) *salutes* I'll do my best to make it true before I'm fifty!

The person below me is completely confused by DJ Earworm's United States of Pop this year, but has listened to it enough to feel comfortable with the weirdness.

giraffalot


quality posts: 2 Private Messages giraffalot
Moueska wrote:(/adds to my bucket list) *salutes* I'll do my best to make it true before I'm fifty!

The person below me is completely confused by DJ Earworm's United States of Pop this year, but has listened to it enough to feel comfortable with the weirdness.


and the reason I'm confused is because DJ are my initials.

On the other hand the person below me has the initials N.O. which plays havoc with people's feelings when asked politely for their signature.

--------------------------------
Vote for Dungeons & Dragons!

mick52


quality posts: 16 Private Messages mick52
giraffalot wrote:and the reason I'm confused is because DJ are my initials.

On the other hand the person below me has the initials N.O. which plays havoc with people's feelings when asked politely for their signature.



nah, my initials are MF, i just say N.O. sometimes and my folks don't like to hear that........

the person below me....

wishes their initials were MF...






JayMatt19


quality posts: 10 Private Messages JayMatt19
mick52 wrote:nah, my initials are MF, i just say N.O. sometimes and my folks don't like to hear that........

the person below me....

wishes their initials were MF...



Trust me, when your name is Andrea Samantha Stroeble, you very much your initials were MF

The person below me cried everytime they read "Casey at the Bat"

Inatangle


quality posts: 129 Private Messages Inatangle
JayMatt19 wrote:Trust me, when your name is Andrea Samantha Stroeble, you very much your initials were MF

The person below me cried everytime they read "Casey at the Bat"



Cried? Past tense? No, I cry each time that I read it. I don't dare read it more than 3 times a Summer, because if I did, I could cause a catastrophic flood with the abundance of my tears. Not to mention my yearly weeping for my favorite major league baseball team that hasn't won a World Series since 1984.

The person below me sings in Gilbert & Sullivan's comic operettas, and played one of the leads in the Mikado.

JayMatt19


quality posts: 10 Private Messages JayMatt19
Inatangle wrote:

The person below me sings in Gilbert & Sullivan's comic operettas, and played one of the leads in the Mikado.



Unfortunately, It was for one performance, during a blizzard, in some small town outside of Calgary, and only 3 people showed up.

The person below me is in th eprocess of suing Woot cause their Bag0FCrap contained no actual crap, neither in human, nor in animal form.

daveinwarshington


quality posts: 87 Private Messages daveinwarshington
JayMatt19 wrote:Unfortunately, It was for one performance, during a blizzard, in some small town outside of Calgary, and only 3 people showed up.

The person below me is in th eprocess of suing Woot cause their Bag0FCrap contained no actual crap, neither in human, nor in animal form.


Then, I looked closer & noticed my B0C did contain a carp. I figured that's close enough.

The person below me is saving any B0C they get from woot, to remain unopened. This is their retirement plan.


JayMatt19


quality posts: 10 Private Messages JayMatt19
daveinwarshington wrote:Then, I looked closer & noticed my B0C did contain a carp. I figured that's close enough.

The person below me is saving any B0C they get from woot, to remain unopened. This is their retirement plan.



I'm telling you, there is going to be one of those limited edition beanie babies inside. It's gonna be a huge windfall BABY!!!

The person below me wants to know why there is no Meat.Woot.com department yet on the site

Inatangle


quality posts: 129 Private Messages Inatangle
JayMatt19 wrote:I'm telling you, there is going to be one of those limited edition beanie babies inside. It's gonna be a huge windfall BABY!!!

The person below me wants to know why there is no Meat.Woot.com department yet on the site



It's downright perplexing. Especially since bacon is so popular. I mean... there are over 40 tees on Shirt Woot that are about bacon!

The person below me wishes all Christmas trees were purple because it's their favorite color.

JayMatt19


quality posts: 10 Private Messages JayMatt19
Inatangle wrote:It's downright perplexing. Especially since bacon is so popular. I mean... there are over 40 tees on Shirt Woot that are about bacon!

The person below me wishes all Christmas trees were purple because it's their favorite color.



And, besides, green is just SOOOOO old fashioned. Purple is the color of the future.

The person below me has a patent in bacon flavored cheese, and they are going to use this cheese to open a unique chain of pizza stores

dmwilson220


quality posts: 3 Private Messages dmwilson220
JayMatt19 wrote:And, besides, green is just SOOOOO old fashioned. Purple is the color of the future.

The person below me has a patent in bacon flavored cheese, and they are going to use this cheese to open a unique chain of pizza stores



Not only are we going to have bacon flavored cheese, the crust, completely bacon.

The person below me is definitely not a robot.

mick52


quality posts: 16 Private Messages mick52
dmwilson220 wrote:Not only are we going to have bacon flavored cheese, the crust, completely bacon.

The person below me is definitely not a robot.



maybe i am?? i do the same shit everyday, and i don't know why?

the person below wishes they were a bird, so they could fly far, far away......


JayMatt19


quality posts: 10 Private Messages JayMatt19
mick52 wrote:maybe i am?? i do the same shit everyday, and i don't know why?

the person below wishes they were a bird, so they could fly far, far away......



Run Forrest...RUN!!!

Actually, it is so that I can both fly far far away, as well as poop onto freshly washed cars.

The person below me stocked up on guns and ammo back in the 60s to protect themselves from the "British Invasion"

Inatangle


quality posts: 129 Private Messages Inatangle
JayMatt19 wrote:Run Forrest...RUN!!!

Actually, it is so that I can both fly far far away, as well as poop onto freshly washed cars.

The person below me stocked up on guns and ammo back in the 60s to protect themselves from the "British Invasion"



You bet I did! I bought out a hunting store, and stored all of the guns and ammo in my Yellow submarine!

The person below me wishes they could make a living by making snow angels and building snowmen.

daveinwarshington


quality posts: 87 Private Messages daveinwarshington
Inatangle wrote:
The person below me wishes they could make a living by making snow angels and building snowmen.



I almost sold one of my snow angels and two of my snow men. I brought them into the house to fit them into boxes, but someone stole them overnight & wet all over the carpet!!

The person below me collects snowflakes, hoping to find two identical ones.


JayMatt19


quality posts: 10 Private Messages JayMatt19
daveinwarshington wrote:I almost sold one of my snow angels and two of my snow men. I brought them into the house to fit them into boxes, but someone stole them overnight & wet all over the carpet!!

The person below me collects snowflakes, hoping to find two identical ones.



And I've spend hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to find a way to preserve the snowflakes in their original form, with no such luck.

The person below me was once asked to sing the National Anthem at an NBA game, but when it got time for them to sing, they sang the theme of Pinky and the Brain instead

Inatangle


quality posts: 129 Private Messages Inatangle
JayMatt19 wrote:And I've spend hundreds of thousands of dollars trying to find a way to preserve the snowflakes in their original form, with no such luck.

The person below me was once asked to sing the National Anthem at an NBA game, but when it got time for them to sing, they sang the theme of Pinky and the Brain instead



Yep! Sigh... my secret longing to take over the world got the better of me... There goes 5 of my 15 minutes of fame.

The person below me is training fleas to do jumping jacks in a big bowl of figgy pudding.