Gear Up For Your Big Elliptical Tour
"Oh nice, you got a new stationary elliptical, huh?"
"Yup. It's a Stamina Compact Elliptical Trainer. I can fit it almost anywhere and - wait, what do you mean by 'stationary'?"
"You know, like, it's a practice elliptical. For when you can't get outside to ride your mobile elliptical. But it still gives a full-body workout, especially with these upper-body resistance bands."
"I think ellipticals are always stationary."
"I'm not joking."
"That's a rich one. I remember my first elliptical as a kid. It had ribbons on the handlebar-things and a playing card in the flywheel that made it sound like a motorcycle."
"Sure! One day my dad said I was ready, and took off my training-pedals. It was scary, and I crashed a few times, but pretty soon I was flying along, all four arms and legs going at once."
"OK, so I guess some kids ride mobile ellipticals?"
"Not at all! I know plenty of people who elliptical to work every day."
"…You do? Is it difficult?"
"Not once you get the hang of it. I hadn't ridden one in years and I tried the other day - no sweat. It was just like riding an elliptical, as the old saying goes."
"I'm beginning to think that you live in some bizzaro world in which ellipticals exist in place of bicycles."
"Shhh! C'mon dude, that was the underpinning logic of this entire writeup. Now you've gone and ruined it. What kind of straight-man are you?"
"Sorry. Well, now that we're in this world can I try riding a mobile elliptical?"
"No such thing exists."