Light: it's good for sleeping! Wait...
What the heck, Craig? Jeez, turn that thing off? I'm trying to sleep!
"And I'm trying to help you sleep easier."
How is standing over me and shining a 290 lumen flashlight in my face helping me sleep easier?
"I'm not shining it at your face, Tom. I'm shining it at your neck. Where you're the most vulnerable. Now, go back to sleep. And don't worry about a thing. You're in no danger as long as I'm here."
What are you talking about?
"I'm talking about safety, Tom! When does the most dangerous stuff happen?"
"In the dark, that's when! And what kills darkness? This Guard Dog Flashlight! What's more, it's waterproof, all-weather resistant, and shockproof, making it ideal and worry-free for any condition!"
How does any of that help here in my bedroom?
"Inside is a condition."
I'm too tired for this crap.
"Then go to sleep! And don't worry about anything! You're safe tonight!"
I'm safe every night!
"That's what you think, Tom. Now, c'mon. Shhhh. Sleep time."
"Oh hey, do you have something for me to prop this up on? I'm feeling kinda tired, you know? I mean, I can't be standing here all night."