Goal Zero Escape 150 Power Pack
20 June, 1803
To Meriwether Lewis esq. Capt. of the 1st regimt. of infantry of the U. S. of A.
Instruments for ascertaining, by celestial observations, the geography of the country through which you will pass, have been already provided. Most vital to this execution of these duties, a Goal Zero Escape 150 Power Pack has been obtained. This Power Pack wields the essence of the Electrical Field -- that bizarre out-put of the very Ether -- and can re-charge your company's Electrically-Poweréd appurtenances, & cetera.
The Goal Zero Escape's re-charging cap-abilities depend wholly on the object being re-charged -- with, as stands to reason, equipments such as lap-tops requiring greater sums of Electrical Essence than mobile telephonic devices -- so ration well your Electrical Currents & Fields. Whensoever that self-same Power Pack is depleted, its vital essence may be re-invigorated in the wall-outlets of the Natives, be they friendly & conciliatory & cetera.
Should you reach the Pacific Ocean inform yourself of the circumstances which may decide whether the furs of those parts may not be collected as advantageously at the head of the Missouri (convenient as it supposed to the waters of the Colorado & Oregan or Columbia) as at Nootka sound, or any other point of that coast; and that trade be consequently conducted through the Missouri & U.S. more beneficially than by the circumnavigation now practised. Sorry, that was much more complicated than it need to be: Please find a way to the Pacific Ocean that doesn't require sailing all the damn way down to South America.
Guard well your Goal Zero Escape Power Pack. The future of this great Nation and its inhabitants depend wholly on the expeditious fulfillment of your duties. Without the selfsame Pack you will be forced to traverse this enormous Continent with naught save your Canoes and Wits - a task surely im-possible.
Th. Jefferson
Pr. U.S. of America
