BREAKING NEWS: TEVA MAKES MORE THAN ONE KIND OF SHOE.
Todd, I've got good news and I've got bad news. The good news is that the Teva party is definitely still a go! The bad news is, I misunderstood the kind of Tevas people will be wearing. It's actually the Teva shoes that are required, not the sandals. So, the intricate foot tattoo that you got just for this party won't be visible.
I'm sorry, Todd! I really am! I know you spent a long time designing it, and it really turned out great. Seriously, I'd be lying if I said I'd ever seen a nicer tattoo of a dragon whose fiery breath turns into a flower whose stem leads into a snake rattle which is gripping a revolver that's shooting broken hearts.
But hear me out: these Teva shoes are actually kinda cool. What are they like? Well, they're called Gannett - like the newspaper people, yes - and they're mountain-tough and town-easy... again, like the newspaper people. They're perfect for anything.
So, c'mon man, don't be a buzz kill. Just wear em, won't you! If you do, I promise that I'll finally clean my basement for Flip-Flop Fest IX!